Most guidance about mentorship describes what a mentor does. This page describes what you do. A mentor can only respond to what you bring them, and the difference between a mentorship that changes a first year and one that fades out after two calls is almost always on the mentee's side of the relationship.
None of what follows requires a mentor who is unusually generous with their time. It assumes the opposite: someone working full-time on their own assignment, who will give you real attention if you make it easy to give.
Come With a Decision, Not a Topic
"Can you tell me about pay packages" is a lecture request. "I have two offers, here are the line items, I am leaning towards the second and I think the reason is the setting rather than the money — am I fooling myself?" is a mentorship conversation.
The second version is better for you because it produces an answer you can act on this week. It is also better for the mentor, because responding to a specific decision takes ten minutes and delivering a general briefing takes an hour. Mentors who are asked well tend to stay available. Mentors who are asked to teach a syllabus tend to get busy.
Decide What This Is For Before the First Call
Write down, before you ever speak, the three things you want to be different in ninety days. They should be concrete enough to be wrong: "I want to be able to read an offer without needing help", not "I want to be more confident".
Send those three things ahead of the first conversation. It converts an introductory chat into a working session, and it gives the mentor a way to tell you early if you have picked the wrong goals — which is itself one of the more valuable things a mentor can do.
Run the Calendar Yourself
Assume the mentor will not chase you. That is not indifference; it is the reality of a full caseload. Propose the cadence, propose the times, and send the invitation. Monthly is enough for most people. Fortnightly during a contract search or a licensure application is reasonable. Weekly is usually a sign that the questions should be going somewhere else.
If you cancel, reschedule in the same message. A mentorship rarely ends in a decision; it ends by drifting, and the drift almost always starts with an unreplaced cancellation.
Bring Documents, Not Recollections
Offers, contracts, licence application checklists, an email from a recruiter you found confusing — bring the artefact rather than your summary of it. Half the value a mentor adds is noticing a clause or an omission you did not think to mention, and they cannot notice what they cannot see.
Redact names if you would rather, but keep the structure intact. What matters is how the package is split, what the guarantee says, what the cancellation terms are, and what has been left out.
Close the Loop on Advice You Did Not Take
You will sometimes go against what your mentor suggests. Tell them, and tell them why. It is not a courtesy — it is the only way they learn how you actually make decisions, which is what makes their next answer more useful than their last one.
It also removes the awkwardness that quietly ends a lot of these relationships. A mentee who has ignored advice and not mentioned it will often avoid the next conversation entirely.
Know What a Mentor Is Not
A mentor is not your recruiter, your employer, your licensing board, or your accountant. They should not be negotiating on your behalf, and they cannot tell you what a specific state will require of your application or how your tax position works — the rules that govern a tax home and duplicated living expenses sit in IRS Publication 463, and a professional who deals with itinerant workers is the right place for that.
What a mentor gives you is judgement: whether a situation is normal, what usually happens next, and which of the things worrying you is the one that actually matters. Asking them for the other kinds of help is the fastest way to exhaust the relationship.
Illustrative scenario — a composite
A new graduate is matched with a mentor in October and has an introductory call that goes well. No goals are set, no follow-up is scheduled, and both people leave it at "reach out any time". In December the mentee receives a first contract offer, feels awkward about making contact only when something is needed, and signs it without asking. The assignment is fine. The mentorship, however, produced nothing, and neither person did anything wrong — the structure was simply never put in place. A single email in October listing three goals and proposing a monthly call would have changed the outcome, and it was the mentee's email to send.
The First Ninety Days, Concretely
Before the first call: send your three goals and a two-line summary of where you are — discipline, setting experience, whether you are licensed anywhere beyond your home state, and what you are deciding next.
First call: agree the cadence and who sends the invitation. Ask what the mentor prefers between calls — some would rather answer a short message quickly than wait for a scheduled slot.
Weeks two to six: bring one real decision per conversation. If nothing is live, bring an artefact — a job description, a contract you turned down — and ask what they would have looked at.
Around week eight: ask the extension question about your own assignment, if you are on one. This is the conversation people most often have too late, and it is exactly the kind of judgement call a mentor is good for.
End of ninety days: revisit the three goals in writing. Say what changed, what did not, and whether the relationship should continue, change shape, or finish cleanly. Ending a mentorship on purpose is a good outcome; letting it dissolve is not.
If the Match Is Not Working
Sometimes the pairing is wrong — different setting, different priorities, a mismatch in how direct each of you wants to be. That is a normal outcome and not a verdict on either person. Say so plainly, early, and ask to be rematched rather than letting the calls thin out. A mentor whose mentee tells them the fit is off is far more likely to recommend the programme than one who is quietly ghosted.
If you want to see the range of subjects mentors most often help with before setting your own goals, the topics page lists them. If you have been travelling for a while and are considering the other side of this, becoming a mentor covers what it involves.